It's 4 AM in the morning and my eyes are wide open without a hint of sleep. After 5 hours of struggle with sleep, I give up. A night without sleep will not kill me. It's not surprising that I am having hard time sleeping, as today is my wedding.
Suhas, 29 years old, Software Engineer, finally getting married. Yes, that's me.
It's crazy how your mind has it's way of bringing memories to your mind especially when you have trouble with sleeping. In past five hours, I have been thinking mostly about the wedding, rethinking every plan. I don't know what she might be thinking. Is she awake too? As far as I know her, she might have slept like a baby but you can never know a woman completely. The moment you assume you know everything about them, they have their own way of surprising you. Trust me, I have realized from my personal experience.
It was two years back, a winter morning, I don't remember the day but I remember everything else.
I was waiting for my office cab, which was already 5 minutes late. I was busy getting impatient and she arrived at stop. She looked 23-24 year old, average height about 5'1 or 5'2 and she had gorgeous looking curly hair. Suddenly I started praying that my cab should arrive 15 minutes late. She was totally occupied with her mobile, with headsets on and I was staring at her like a jerk. I couldn't help myself notice her. There was some magical attraction towards her. She glanced at me once and I looked into those big brown eyes, beautiful enough to make my heart beat faster. In middle of my little adventure, the cab arrived and I boarded with a hope that I would see the girl again the next day.
I did see her the next day and something totally unexpected happened. She said hi to me and I was so surprised that I couldn't react but stare.She had to say hi again, I replied and our conversation began.
We exchanged our names and other details about our work, cab timings etc. It was indeed happiest day for me. I was really looking forward to know this girl.
Days passed, every morning we used to meet at the same spot, talk for ten minutes and I used to be the first person to leave for office. Those 10 minutes used to be the most precious moments of my day. We used to talk about traffic, work, weekends, movies, music, weather and what not. Among us, she was the one who used to talk more. She had an amazing way of keeping the conversation interesting. With every passing day, every chat we had, I started developing an intense liking for her. I thought she liked me too.
Finally, after three months, I decided I would ask her out. I thought about that more than a 100 times and I decided I'll do it anyway. Unfortunately, she didn't arrive at stop that day. I assumed she was late, but she was never late in these three months. I thought of waiting for her but it seemed too desperate. I just cursed my fate and left for office.
Next day, she did not come. Three days passed with her absence. It was then, I started freaking out. I thought every possible reason for her absence and every reason made me feel horrible. I tried convincing myself that it might not be something bad. May be she just went home or went for an unplanned vacation but I couldn't stop thinking about her. I regretted a lot for not having her contact number. I didn't care if I was going to ask her out, all I wanted was her to be back.
After a lot of thinking, I almost felt like I should go to a private detective but what would I tell the detective- that I see a girl every morning at my stop for office cab and she has not been there since few days,that I was planing to ask her out and I don't even know if she's single. That would sound ridiculous. I knew her name and where she worked, nothing else. What if she lied me about her name and her job. I had never seen her wearing her ID, never saw her boarding the cab and never asked about where she lived. I felt like I was literally going mad for some mystery girl. I even felt what if she was creation of my own imagination and I was Schizophrenic.
Five days passed without her, it was the longest week ever. I stopped thinking about her and just prayed God that she's fine.
God did listen to my prayers.It was weekend and I was roaming alone in a shopping mall. I spotted her in a cloth store. First I thought I was hallucinating but it was her, those big brown eyes couldn't be unreal. She was busy grabbing clothes and I walked towards her. With every step I took toward her, I felt so stupid about myself. Suddenly I felt like I don't know her. I approached her and said "Hi"...
She looked surprised. She gave me a huge smile and acted like she didn't have anything to talk about her five-day-absence. I asked her why she wasn't at the stop all these days. She told me very casually that she moved to another place which was closer to her office. I couldn't talk much and left the place as soon as possible.
I can't put into words what I felt after meeting her. I was smiling at myself and feeling sad at the same time. All these days, it was just me - waiting to see her, liking her, worrying about her. It was all me. It never occurred to me to think of her perspective. I saw only what I wanted to see.
I did not feel angry about her. May be she was not obliged to tell me her plans or she just did not feel like. I felt a little sad that I was going to miss our morning conversations, but soon I stopped missing her.
After an year, I found another great lady and with time we fell in love with each other.
One day, I had told her about the mystery-girl-incident, she looked at me with a concern, laughed with her dimpled cheeks and said "awww". I felt a little disappointed as my intention of making her jealous had not worked.
I did not realize it's 5 AM already until my alarm went off.
Enough with the memories and thinking...
Let me get ready to marry the love of my life.