Monday, January 7, 2013

Closed doors... or Closed eyes

"These parents can never understand their kids..." Samidha was ranting alone.

Everything seemed to be going wrong with her life. after struggling a lot to open the window, she cursed the bus in which she was sitting. Tears rolled down. she was feeling suffocated, not just because she was sitting in a sleeper coach with closed windows, because she felt like all the doors were closed in her life. all doors of opportunity, doors of solutions... she felt like she was locked up in a small dark cabin... struggling to find a little door.. a little opening...

"Mam ticket please". The person who came to confirm her ticket brought her back to the real world. he asked her whether he should open the window for her. she was too occupied to respond him. she told that it was fine and he left. but she was screaming inside her mind, she was screaming loudly.. "Nothing is fine..." for a moment she felt like breaking the window glass.

It was few minutes the bus had started moving. she kept the curtain of her seat slightly open, so that the air from her parallel seats may give some Oxygen. She just saw a couple with a baby, occupying the seat beside her. what a cute family she thought. The lady was carrying the baby, as if it was some precious gem. Her husband was arranging the luggage, was opening the window  and asking the lady was she comfortable. She was smiling and telling him she was fine.

"Enough staring now". She told herself and like everybody does, she just kept looking out of the closed window. Her mind started bringing pictures of all the incidents that had happened since morning. Fight with her mom, the way she left home... the last thing that she had told her mom was, "I have my life mom, i have my job, my friends, my money.. i don't need anything else. i don't need anybody. i don't wanna get married".
Her vision blurred.. she was all tears again...

She was weeping that her mom didn't understand her. she had job, but she was not completely satisfied with it. she had money but she wanted better reasons to spend them. she had friends, but even they had their own lives too. she wept because she knew the reason that she had given her mom was not fair enough. she wept because she herself didn't know what was the reason behind her hard core resistance to "marriage".

Even tears stop after a while. her eyes were too tired to weep. she dozed off....

she was awaken by the cry of the baby. she felt pissed off. she glanced over the seat beside her. the couple were struggling to calm down the baby. they were checking baby's clothes, changing the diaper, trying to feed.. but the baby was screaming high. she felt to shout at the baby, "hey why can't you tell what's wrong?". she felt stupid of herself.. it was a little baby...

after few moments the baby was silent. may be the couple sorted it out, finally... she looked at them. The lady said, looking back at Samidha, "she was feeling irritated with the socks we made her wear, now we removed it and she's calm". Samidha smiled back and said, "Oh.. Okay".. she was not in a mood to talk with anybody. But the lady seemed interested in conversing. she asked about the window, Samidha replied that it was stuck. The lady asked her husband to help the girl in opening window.

He opened the window very easily. There was some lock like thing, holding it pressed and dragging the glass, opened the window. It was as simple as that. she felt so stupid of herself. she said, "Am sorry, i didn't give attention to that lock".
He said,"That's ok. it happens with all of us. me and my wife took few minutes to realize why our baby was crying. we always try to find solution in our own way. we hardly think there might be alternative. there might be a solution to our problem which we are unable to see or just unwilling to see".

She thanked him and kept brooding on his words. He was right. There's always an alternative, a way out, an open door....

She felt calm. She saw that the couple were happy with the baby. They were playing with her. Her eyes filled with tears... it was late night, yet she called her mom.

as soon as her mom picked the call she tried hard to speak and finally said, "Mom, i love you.. i love you a lot.." and broke into tears...

Like every mom, her mom panicked and blurted out,"what happened my baby, you alright? am sorry. i promise i wont talk about marriage again with you. you take your time"..
"mom, mom.. i said i love you..."
"i love you too Sami... you know that right? now tell me what happened."
"nothing mom.. i just saw a baby and... hmmm.. did i trouble you and dad a lot when i was a baby?"
"no Sami.. you were a cute baby.. you still are... ya sometimes you used to cry whole night.. but that's ok. those days are gone now.."
"ya.. may be i could never communicate with you guys properly.... am sorry for overreacting on the topic of marriage.."
"that's ok baby.. we will talk about it later. we will sort it out together."
"love u a lot mom..."
"now stop repeating that stupid. you want me to weep?... ok sleep now.. call me as soon as you reach.. love you Sami.."

Samidha felt a lot better. she could see that the baby was sleeping tight holding her mom...
The cool breeze coming out of window said that everything was going to be fine. She smiled and told herself, "There's always a way out, you just need to open your eyes to find it".